My tattoos are finally complete. So that means my journey with cancer is complete. While it is no longer an active part of my life, it is still part of who I am. I am a 14 1/2 month survivor.
I still have days where I struggle with the emotional side of things. I at least don't have to worry about looking at those nasty scars again. Of course those scars could have been worse than what they were, but I don't have to look at them anymore.
I waited until all of my tattooing was done to post pics on here because I wanted people to see the entirety of the beauty of the tattoos together. The symbolism with my tattoos is that the fairy blew the cancer away.
I don't know if I'll keep up with this blog since my cancer and reconstruction journey is over, but I am for sure leaving it up for anyone who happens to need it. With that said, check out the picture area to see my final results.
Just remember, each of you are stronger than anything that tries to take you down. Live each day to the fullest. Don't let the small things in life ruin the bigger picture. Always know that there are people out there who care. Never give up on yourself. Love yourself, battle scars and all. Finally, there is always, always, always HOPE!
Showing posts with label tattoos. Show all posts
Showing posts with label tattoos. Show all posts
Monday, October 20, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
Today Is the Day
Today is the day. I am finally getting my tattoos to cover up my scars. I woke up so excited and still am. The one part of this journey that has kept me sad is going to go away. Okay, maybe they won't go away, but they are going to be covered up so I won't have to see them.
I know for some people, they can wear their scars proudly to show that they beat cancer. I on the other hand have had a terrible time dealing with them. I know that it is a symbol of rising above a nasty disease, but emotionally, it hasn't been easy. I've used the Rejuvasil religiously, but it hasn't faded these scars enough. I still find myself looking in the mirror in disgust. I don't want to do that anymore.
When I look at my chest, I want to smile. I want to be comfortable looking at myself again. These tattoos are going to be the symbol of strength for me. So while I am emotional about having them done, I know that this is the final step of this journey.
I don't know if my tattoo artist will really be able to understand the effects that her work is going to have on me. I'm sure through talking with her about everything, she'll know how appreciative I am for what she is doing for me. She has the ability to take away something painful.
I'm hoping one of the other artists or even the manager can take random pictures for me so that I can share them with ya'll. More than anything, I would love for there to be a picture of the reveal to me. Just so I can see for myself, the reaction that I'm going to have.
If you wanna check out my tattoo artist Jackie, this is where you can find her. http://www.blacklotustattoos.com/jackie-singer-sabur.html She also works in the shop owned by the famous Halo Jankowski that you can find on this season of Inkmaster on Spike tv.
For now, I'm going to mentally prepare myself for this step and will post when the beauties are done. May each and every one of you have a beautiful and blessed day.
I know for some people, they can wear their scars proudly to show that they beat cancer. I on the other hand have had a terrible time dealing with them. I know that it is a symbol of rising above a nasty disease, but emotionally, it hasn't been easy. I've used the Rejuvasil religiously, but it hasn't faded these scars enough. I still find myself looking in the mirror in disgust. I don't want to do that anymore.
When I look at my chest, I want to smile. I want to be comfortable looking at myself again. These tattoos are going to be the symbol of strength for me. So while I am emotional about having them done, I know that this is the final step of this journey.
I don't know if my tattoo artist will really be able to understand the effects that her work is going to have on me. I'm sure through talking with her about everything, she'll know how appreciative I am for what she is doing for me. She has the ability to take away something painful.
I'm hoping one of the other artists or even the manager can take random pictures for me so that I can share them with ya'll. More than anything, I would love for there to be a picture of the reveal to me. Just so I can see for myself, the reaction that I'm going to have.
If you wanna check out my tattoo artist Jackie, this is where you can find her. http://www.blacklotustattoos.com/jackie-singer-sabur.html She also works in the shop owned by the famous Halo Jankowski that you can find on this season of Inkmaster on Spike tv.
For now, I'm going to mentally prepare myself for this step and will post when the beauties are done. May each and every one of you have a beautiful and blessed day.
Friday, November 1, 2013
When Does It Stop?
New pics have been added for those who wish to see.
The pain and all the other crap that goes with it. I've been doing some Googling. (Sorry Renee) Most of the information I have found says that the liposuction pain goes away in a couple of days. I'm 6 days post op and still feel like I am being ripped in 2 pieces.
The bruising is lightening up, so that's a good thing. I just wish the inside bruising didn't feel as bad as it does. The effects of the lipo should be apparent 4-6 weeks from now. I'm hoping for 4 weeks. I would really like to go back to wearing clothes that are not yoga pants, even though they are comfy.
The scars on my boobs are healing beautifully. One of the things that bothers me about them is that they aren't even remotely close to being even. If you look at the pics you'll see what I am talking about. I wasn't sure that this would bother me, but it does. Any tattoo that I choose to put on there is going to have to be modified so that it allows for the symmetrical look. No matter what it is, I will figure it out.
In the last couple of days I have found myself on Pinterest looking for the perfect tattoo that represents my battle. I've seen a few that I really like and would be front runners, but would obviously be modified so that they are more of an original piece. I'm gonna stick that tattoo on my back left shoulder blade. It'll be able to be covered up, but it will also be able to be seen. Hopefully I can get that tat inked on me within the next week and hopefully it won't cost me a fortune.
After all of the emotional turmoil that I have been dealing with since the surgery, I have to start letting it go and start doing for me. The physical pain is tolerable with my meds, but the emotional pain on top of it is not bearable. I don't really know what has prompted me to share this personal emotional side of me with all of you. Maybe because I can't continue to let these kinds of things roll in my head. Maybe it is a part of the healing process. Maybe it is just information out there for anyone dealing with the same thing.
I just hope that my being honest about the things I am dealing with don't come back to bite me in the ass as they always have. I want to be able to move forward from all of this. I want people to see that there is hope even when it seems like there is none. I want others to know that people are resilient. Sure all of the painful stuff piled in to one seems like a bit much, but someway, somehow, you will make it through.
My bed is calling my name, so I should try and get some rest and hope that I don't wake up the same way I did today. If you can only remember one thing, remember that you have the capacity to be a strong person. Even though I again find myself struggling, I wish all of you a beautiful and blessed day/night.
The pain and all the other crap that goes with it. I've been doing some Googling. (Sorry Renee) Most of the information I have found says that the liposuction pain goes away in a couple of days. I'm 6 days post op and still feel like I am being ripped in 2 pieces.
The bruising is lightening up, so that's a good thing. I just wish the inside bruising didn't feel as bad as it does. The effects of the lipo should be apparent 4-6 weeks from now. I'm hoping for 4 weeks. I would really like to go back to wearing clothes that are not yoga pants, even though they are comfy.
The scars on my boobs are healing beautifully. One of the things that bothers me about them is that they aren't even remotely close to being even. If you look at the pics you'll see what I am talking about. I wasn't sure that this would bother me, but it does. Any tattoo that I choose to put on there is going to have to be modified so that it allows for the symmetrical look. No matter what it is, I will figure it out.
In the last couple of days I have found myself on Pinterest looking for the perfect tattoo that represents my battle. I've seen a few that I really like and would be front runners, but would obviously be modified so that they are more of an original piece. I'm gonna stick that tattoo on my back left shoulder blade. It'll be able to be covered up, but it will also be able to be seen. Hopefully I can get that tat inked on me within the next week and hopefully it won't cost me a fortune.
After all of the emotional turmoil that I have been dealing with since the surgery, I have to start letting it go and start doing for me. The physical pain is tolerable with my meds, but the emotional pain on top of it is not bearable. I don't really know what has prompted me to share this personal emotional side of me with all of you. Maybe because I can't continue to let these kinds of things roll in my head. Maybe it is a part of the healing process. Maybe it is just information out there for anyone dealing with the same thing.
I just hope that my being honest about the things I am dealing with don't come back to bite me in the ass as they always have. I want to be able to move forward from all of this. I want people to see that there is hope even when it seems like there is none. I want others to know that people are resilient. Sure all of the painful stuff piled in to one seems like a bit much, but someway, somehow, you will make it through.
My bed is calling my name, so I should try and get some rest and hope that I don't wake up the same way I did today. If you can only remember one thing, remember that you have the capacity to be a strong person. Even though I again find myself struggling, I wish all of you a beautiful and blessed day/night.
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