Unrelated News and An Update

Lots of things have been going on in life that have kept me pretty busy and away from the computer.
My oldest son turned 14 on Tuesday. He had football conditioning after school and then after that we had the parents' meeting for high school football. Talk about a reality check.
Then yesterday I watched him walk across the stage and graduate from middle school. Reality check again. This is getting too real.
I was trying to hold back tears, but failed miserably. I cried while tying his tie for him. I welled up in tears when they called his name and while choking back tears, I had to embarass him while yelling out, "Way to go Bubba!"
Did I forget to mention welling up in more tears when I realized that he will graduate high school when his baby brother will graduate Kindergarten? Yeah, that thought crossed my mind too.
Where oh where has the time gone? While these things have kept me tearful, it truly has been tears of joy.

More Information Isn't Bad News Right?

So 2 of my older sisters were having breast issues.  Both of them went in for procedures which essentially turned into them having biopsies.  Sister 1 Lynda has not gotten the results back, at least not that I know of.  Sister 2 Chelle did get her results back.  She has been diagnosed with Atypical Hyperplasia.

Atypical Hyperplasia, according to the Mayo clinic is a precancerous condition in the breast.  So, she doesn't have a breast cancer diagnosis, but it could turn into it if it is not taken care of.  For the time being she is not going to do anything.  She did go in to have the BRAC testing done to see if it is genetic.  If it is, then she will be getting a new set of boobs too.  We should know the results of it in 2 weeks.

So that leads to my next set of concerns.

All 3 of my older sisters have had hysterectomies due to several different issues.  One of the sisters actually had cervical cancer.  If that isn't scary enough, my mom had a full hysterectomy years ago due to tumors that didn't appear to be cancerous, and my little sister Holli had an ovary removed during pregnancy due to a cyst.

So if this test comes back positive and already knowing of the girly part issues that there is in the family, should I push to have a hysterectomy done?  The last thing that I need on top of the already devastating crap I am dealing with is to find out I have some kind of girly part cancer.

Then the question is, will the insurance cover it?  Will the doctor agree to it?  Would it be considered necessary or not?  I know I'm probably doing more worrying than I need to right now, but this is serious stuff that is hitting all at the same time.  Not that I really want a hysterectomy (while it would be nice to not have the witch visit), I don't want to do something that is not medically necessary.  I also don't want to take any chances.

I'm really not sure if I want to know the information or not.  I feel like it is opening Pandora's box, but on the other hand it may be great for preventative measures.

Plastic Surgeon Visit #2

So I met with Dr. Mess today.  She is the plastic surgeon who would do implants if I so chose that path.  She was absolutely wonderful and answered all the questions I had about implants and even answered new questions I had about the DIEP flap.

I asked her if I had enough fat in the momma pouch to give me the same size of breasts I already had.  Her answer was no.  So that leads to the decision that I made today.  I will be going with Dr. Mess to do my surgery and I will have implants put in.

She asked about what size I currently am, and I gave her the measurements that Victoria's Secrets gave me, which is a 36 D.  So after taking some pictures and measuring me, she came up with me being just shy of a D.  So I told her that I would like to be a full D when we are done.  She said that it was no big deal and a D is absolutely possible and would look very good.  That made me happy, as I refused to be anything less than what I currently am.  So I guess all of you would like to know when the surgery is to be done.

I have scheduled the surgery to be done on July 26th.  That will give me enough time to gather up caretakers so that I can be taken care of during my downtime.  I know I already have my mother in law and a couple of other people offer up their time, which is making this a little bit easier.

Essentially what they are going to do is do the double mastectomy and then put expanders in.  I'll have to go in and have them filled up so that the skin stretches out to the size that I want to be.  After that, I'll go back in and be opened up to put my real implants in.

I still haven't decided if I'm going to have the nipple reconstruction done or not.  I know that they will only be able to preserve the left nipple since that breast has not been messed with.  The right can't be saved.  I won't have any feeling in the remaining nipple and if a reconstruction was done on the right, there would be no feeling in that.  I also don't plan on having any more children that I would have to breast feed.  So really, what is the point in even having the nipples reconstructed?

I can have tattoos put where the nipples are to be and they would be 3D and would look like there were nipples there.  I could also do some other sort of tattoo there in place of the nipples.  Maybe I'll put some pretty pink daisies there.  Hell, who knows.  LOL!  Either way, that's the only other decision it seems that I need to make.

After sitting and talking to Dr. Mess and then talking to Andy about my decision, I can say that I am happy with it.  I'm sure that it'll be trying on me at times, especially when I am dealing with having the expanders in.
Overall though, I think I'm ready for this.  

Met Plastic Surgeon #1

Sorry I haven't been keeping up on the blog this week.  My family has been in crisis mode with other circumstances that I will not be discussing.  With that being said, here's the newest.

On Monday I had an appointment up at John Hopkins.  This is where I met Dr. Rosson.  He is the plastic surgeon who would do the DIEP flap procedure.  I think this appointment went fairly well.  I heard some things that I like and some things that I wasn't too fond of.

I was told that I am a great candidate for the DIEP flap.  So essentially, what that means is that my body ravaged from child-bearing has made me able to have this surgery done.  What they essentially will do is take all of the fat from my momma pouch and use it to reconstruct my boobs.  After that is removed, they will stretch the skin from my belly area down.  This will give me no more momma pouch and no waistline for awhile.  I will also have a scar that runs from hip to hip, but will be able to be hidden by my underwear.  I'm not really sure how I feel about that at this point.

The downside of this all is that I have to really start working on my core to help me recover faster.  So what does this really mean?  It means lots of planks and yoga and all that kind of stuff that I already don't like to do.  If I did most of the stuff that they want me to do to strengthen my core, then it's possible that I could flatten my stomach, and maybe even the momma pouch, which would then make the DIEP flap not necessary.  Maybe not.  I'm not really sure at this point.

So what I do know about the surgery at this point is that it will take 12 hours to do the surgery.  Pretty much 6 hours per breast.  It is extensive and I will have at least 1 drain tube on each breast and possibly 2 on each side of my waist.  This surgery is also inclusive of a 3 day hospital stay.

I've had a couple of people reach out to help be my caretakers while I am recovering.  That does make me feel a little bit better.  I just don't want to stretch them too thin though.  We'll just have to see how everything pans out.  I guess I am hoping that I won't need to have people take care of me for too long.  Maybe, just maybe I'll bounce back after a couple of weeks and be able to do stuff on my own.  I've never had a major surgery, so honestly, I have no clue.

I've never really been one to ask for help.  Sure, I like to have people to talk to in order to bounce things off of them when I have things rolling through my head, but I've never had to ask anyone to come take care of me.  This part sucks.  I guess this is also where I allow my pride to get in the way thinking that I can do it myself.  The problem with that is that I have taken care of everything myself for so long that I am finding it more difficult to do and find that I am seeing myself as a failure.

I guess I've had this view for so long that if I take care of others, everything will be butterflies, roses, rainbows and unicorns then they will come to my rescue when I need them.  Boy was I wrong!  Glad I am finding this out now instead of when I am actually down from surgery.

Anyhow, that's all that I have for ya'll today.  I have lots of catching up to do with my Biology classes.  Only 1 more week and I am completely done with the sciences.  Only 2 more years and I'll have that beautiful Bachelor's degree.  Hope ya'll have a beautiful and blessed Sunday.

Information Overload

Miss Vickie called me already.  I don't have an appointment set up with Dr. Jacobs as of yet since I will be seeing a plastic surgeon about the DIEP.  She gave me 2 different numbers I needed to call and set up appointments.  Whew....breathe...breathe....

My first call was to the plastic surgeon to set up a consult.  She is one of the doctors that will be working on me in addition to Dr. Jacobs.  So I have an appointment with her on Wednesday the 1st.

The second call was to John Hopkins to set up a consult with them for the plastic surgeon who does the actual DIEP and that one is on Monday at 8:45 in the morning.  Wanna know the best part?  It's in downtown Baltimore.  So I'm sure that leaving the house around 7:15ish is in my future, if not before then.  Oh joy, oh joy.  How did I get myself into this??  Anyone out there wanna tell me how long it would take me to get there during Monday rush hour??  I just have to hope that Andy can go with me, cause I don't drive in big cities with lots of 1 way streets, and this is not the kind of crap that I want to do alone.

Lots of paperwork.  Lots of doctors.  Lots of stress.  Lots of anxiety.  Lots of worry.  A whole lot of everything.  This feels like a horrifying roller-coaster, and frankly, I don't like roller-coasters, not even the kiddie ones.

Someone please wake me up when this is all over.  Really!

The MRI Results Are Back and....

...nothing is on them.  Which is a good sign.  It means that they don't see anything else.  At least at this point in this journey.  So, where do I go from here?

I'll be talking to Miss Vickie sometime today to schedule appointments to meet with plastic surgeons.  I figured that I would take the road that is more complicated at the beginning, but hopefully means that I won't have to deal with any of this stuff later on.  At the beginning of this journey I was presented with the options of a lumpectomy with radiation or the mastectomy.

If I were to do the lumpectomy with radiation, it would mean going in 5 days a week for 6 weeks.  Frankly, I don't have the support system here that I can even do this option.  With momma not being able to drive, Andy not being able to take that long off, and no second set of hands for momma to deal with the boys, I've chosen to go with the mastectomy, more specifically a double mastectomy.

Now some would probably ask me why I am choosing to undergo such an intensive surgery with hellacious recovery time.  As Dr. Jacobs pointed out to me, I have to do what is best for me and what is easiest to do at this point in time.  It is true that I don't have a support system with this option either, but it does give me the ability to stay at home and not have to run out every day for radiation.  The down side to this is going to be the recovery time.  I'm not entirely sure how long that will be since I haven't talked to the plastic surgeons yet, but I know it will be a little while since I am opting to do a DIEP flap.  At least that is what I've already settled on unless the plastic surgeon scares me too much.

Pretty much with a DIEP flap, they will go in and remove fat and tissue from my belly to build my new breasts from it.  This pretty much means that my breasts will be more like the ones I already have.  They'll be more natural as opposed to implants.

I guess I just don't want to be that lady walking around at 70ish years old and having the boobs of a 20 something.  The other downside with implants would be that I would have to have them replaced every 10 years.  I'm not really into the idea of having to get my chest cut into every 10 years.  When I get this done, I want it over and done with.

Now that's not to say that I won't have other surgeries, as I already know ahead of time that I will have to do 2 more.  One of them would be to reconstruct the nipple and then the other would be to tattoo on the areola.  In talking with my sister Lynda yesterday, she didn't know that they tattooed your boobs to make them more normal.  She then made the comment about asking if I could have something pretty tattooed there.  I honestly laughed about it.  Could you imagine me asking a doctor if I could just have lilies tattooed there?  LOL!  Right, I know you laughed.

Anyhow, what I understand from what Dr. Jacobs told me, the DIEP flap surgery will be done at the time the mastectomy is done.  So the surgery would more or less be about 8-12 hours with a minimum of a 3 day hospital stay.  I'm sure that once I talk to the plastic surgeons, there will be more information and better understanding of this.  So for now, that is all the information that I know.

Conflicted....Sort of

So I wake up to this rainy day and find myself conflicted.  I'm still sorta tired so I need some caffeine.  Do I drag myself downstairs to make a cup of coffee with the Kreurig, or do I just wait until later to pick up an iced coffee.  I really shouldn't do both.  I think that might be a bit too much caffeine for me.

I also kind of want some covered and smothered hashbrowns.  Maybe just maybe I can talk momma into making some for me.  Oooh, some over medium eggs with toast too so that I can dip it in my yolk.  Mmmm. Food.

Okay, those are my musings for this morning.