I'm Getting There.....Slowly

Last Wednesday I went in for my injections.  Turns out that they were my final injections.  I am finally at the size that I should be for the switch out at the end of October.  

I had the full 120cc put into the right side as always.  It looks fantastic.  I'm very pleased with the results and know that once the implant is in, it will look so much better.  On the left she only put in 60cc.  With the way that the muscle turned and the expander turned, I was stretching the wrong way.  So to avoid having to do more repair than necessary, I took less.  Essentially what is going to happen is the left side is going to have a bit of a bigger implant. 

The implant has to be bigger because of the need to manipulate the muscle back to the way that it is supposed to be.  I'll end up having 2 scars on the left breast instead of 1 like on the right.  At this point it doesn't really matter about the scarring as I am sure that Dr. Mess will do a fantastic job to make them look perfect.

While that is still awhile off, I still am dealing with the muscle spasms.  From the day of the injections until Monday morning, I have had horrid spasms.  Wednesday, the pain hit about 10 minutes after I left Dr. Mess' office.  I ended up taking all the meds I could in the 24 hour time period and still got no relief or quality sleep.  

The night before the injections, I had someone very important to me break my heart.  I had been running on 2 hours of sleep and then I went in for injections.  That was not a smart move.  Then you add the pain of the spasms and still not being able to sleep on top of it, I ended up sleeping for maybe 4-5 hours over a 48 hour period.  Each morning I was waking up unable to pull myself out of bed and having to depend on Andy to lift me up so I could just get out of the bed.  

The last couple of days haven't been so bad, but physically I think I have broken down as much as I can.  While the pain is easing up, I still find some tasks difficult to do.  To me that is frustrating.  Typing on the computer for too long causes pain to shoot up and down my right arm.  Remember, that is the side that the nodes were removed from.  I continue to do stretches on it and anything else that I need to for it to try and feel better.  

I'm trying not to Google too much to try and get answers.  Afterall, not every case is the same and not every person is the same.  I just hope that I don't have to deal with muscle spasms when the implants are put in.  I'm not sure how much more of those I would be able to deal with.  While it is true that I am a strong person, there is a breaking point as well.

That is all that I have for this morning.  Please excuse if it sounds like ramblings as I am still tired but wanted to get the thoughts out and the blog updated.  I hope all of you have a blessed day and thank you for continuing to love me through it.

A Reminder to All and An Update on My Sister

First I will start with the update on my sister.  If you haven't been following me the whole time, then this information will be helpful to you.  My sister Michelle was diagnosed with atypical hyperplasia.  Basically, she had pre-cancerous cells.  So, she chose to have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy done.  While I am 3 weeks ahead of her in this journey, we are able to go through it with each other.

She finally had her drain tubes removed yesterday, after having them in for over a week.  Then you put the other stuff that she has told me about her doctors, I just want to go pick her up from Ohio and bring her out here and let my care team take care of her.  So anyhow, they still are going to wait another 2 weeks before they start pumping her up.  Okay then.....

When they removed her left breast (which is the one she was having issues with), they found that she was a ticking time bomb.  She was full of those pre-cancerous cells.  Thank you God for letting my own breast issues warrant my sister to check herself.  I've been told that I helped to save her life.  That's a good feeling, but I also just wanted to make sure that my sisters were to take care of themselves and listen to their bodies.

Now, the reminder to you all.

This morning I woke up to a post on Facebook that I was tagged in.  I'm not going to go into detail as I don't want to violate the privacy of this person, but she is having issues that I remember started before my journey really started.  I don't want to scare her, but I also don't want her to ignore things.

So, if you feel like something is off, go have it checked out.  If you still think that something isn't right even when the doctor says you are fine, get a 2nd opinion.  I was never really good at doing that until this happened to me.  Oh, and another word of advice STOP GOOGLING symptoms.  You'll end up driving yourself crazy and diagnosing yourself with stuff that is not even remotely close.  Yes, I did the whole Google thing and scared myself.  Even now Dr. Mess and Renee tell me to stop Googling and just let it go or ask them about it.  So that is my advice for the day.

One more thing that I just realized....I am 1 month and 1 day post op and the cancer cells have been removed from me.  However, since there is no 100%  cancer free given until the 5 year mark, I will gladly count each of these months until that 5 year mark.

I hope each of you have a beautiful and blessed day and thank you for loving me through it.

I'm Such a Slacker....Lots of Updates

Okay, so I have been slacking, but I do have some pretty good stories for the last week.  So buckle up and get ready for this ride.

On the 21st I went in and had 110cc put in each side, this was the day after I had those horrid muscle spasms.  I had my friend Suzy go in with me to this appointment.  While I never look down during injections, Suzy did watch.  She seemed thrilled with how she could see the boobs puffing up during the injections.  With the 110cc put in, that puts me at 590cc total.  That number may change depending on if Dr. Mess had put any saline in on the day of the surgery.  According to my nurse Renee, I will probably be inflated to 800-850cc before we are done with expanding.  YAY!!  It is normal to over expand as they need the extra skin for the switchout.

Well, I thought the muscle spasms I had before were bad.  I was wrong.  That night the muscle spasms had me screaming and writhing in pain.  I was able to get myself out of bed and crawl to momma's room to get her up.  I was absolutely terrified of how bad the pain was.  I ended up sitting up with her until about 7am the next morning.  I drugged myself up and went back to bed.  I've had a few nights that have sucked, but not nearly as bad as that night.

The next day I had to go to Freshman Orientation for Mike.  Talk about a reality check.  Then of course you add my pain on top of it, I did not want to be there and going on a tour of the school and listening to rambling.  That may not be what it was, but that's what it felt like when I was there.  I did suck it up and "soldier" on and go though.  That's my job as mom.

Oh, did I mention in a previous blog, as I am pretty out of it right now and feeling like crap, Mike made the JV football team.  Talk about another proud mom moment there.  I was neglecting myself by not taking my needed meds to make sure that he was getting to his practices and such.  I wasn't going to punish him for my illness.  Another one of those that's my job things.

Then it seemed as though an angel dropped out of the sky.   One of Mike's teammates said that he could ride home with them.  They literally live around the corner from us.  This was such a big help.  Even the teammate's mom told me I need to be taking care of me and that if I needed anything, just to let her know.  So now I don't have to worry about whether I can get Mike to and from practice if Andy isn't home.

Okay, so back to the reconstruction stuff.  I have set the date for my switch out.  October 25th I will be going back in and having my implants put in and some fat grafting done.  The fat grafting is to make sure that they look normal instead of the whole Pam Anderson look that people relate to implants.  I am looking forward to that date simply because that means I am one step closer to being done with this process.

If you look at the pictures on the other tab above, you'll see the progress.  You might notice that one side looks different than the other.  Not only in size, but in shape.  The reason for this is because the muscle shifted and caused the expander to shift.  This is common, so don't be alarmed.  At this point I'm not.  As long as they look normal when done.

Last week, I received a package in the mail from one of my mommy friends.  She made me a beautiful necklace to represent my journey.  She makes hand-stamped jewelry.  Check her out if you get a chance.  She is a work at home mom.  You can find her store at www.etsy.com/shop/memorylanejewelry  Again, I cried for the kindness and the thought to do something so wonderful for me.  I truly feel as though I don't deserve as many blessings as I have had through this journey.



Today was an accomplished day.  I got the big kid up for his first day of Freshman year.  Yes, I was "that" mom and took a picture as he was headed out.  Then I gave him a hug.  Then I promptly started crying as this is my big baby and he is growing up so fast.  Then we had the conference to meet Landen's teacher today.  Yep, my 2nd baby is headed to Pre-K.  Where has the time gone?  Let's not forget the 2 hour trip to the grocery and then putting it all away.  So I am pretty beat.

I'll try and update after my next set of injections on Wednesday, but with the pain, my classes starting back up and Mike's football, I am finding life to be pretty hectic.  Please forgive me if I don't keep up nearly as much these days.  I will do as I can.  Don't forget to check out the pics section if you are following that, to see the last updates there.

Muscle Spasms Suck

All this week I have had horrid muscle spasms. If I could compare them to anything, they feel like labor pains, but in my chest.

I didn't sign up for this shitty part of this. I just wanna know when this pain is going to stop.

I find I am waking up at about 3:30 in the morning when I have them and it takes til about 6:30 to feel any relief, even after drugging myself.

Someone please tell me this doesn't continue to happen after the reconstruction is done. This sucks terribly and I don't know how much more I can take of it.

God please take this pain away.

More Than Appreciative...and Then Some

I have this set of ladies that I met back in November 2010.  We were all pregnant and due in July 2011.  So that was the commonality that we all had......that we knew of.  During our time of getting to know each other, that's when we realized that we were the most awesome set of ladies out there.

The majority of the core ones have stayed with us all this time.  We have been through so much together.  We have had new babies born.  We have had arguments.  We have leaned on each other in times that we have needed each other.  For nearly 3 years, these ladies have been an important part of my life and have been there for me through some of the most horrible things that can happen.

So how do these ladies play into any of this?  Well, this is how.

Yesterday I went out to check the mail as usual.  Over the last couple of weeks I have been getting random cards in the mail from these ladies.  I've gotten cards from my pastor and cards from some of the church family.  So anyway, I get to the mailbox and find junk mail there.  Hey!  At least it isn't bills right?

I came back in the house and shut the door behind me only to be stopped by my doorbell.  (Which of course makes Perry our dog go nutso and act like an idiot.)  I turn around and open the door to find a box that was from one of the ladies.  I started crying at that point.  Little did I know that the crying was not over.

I open up the box to find random things to keep me busy while I am in between my medically induced naps.  Of course in the style of Katie, who is my Floridian, and who's name was on the package, I find myself with a package of cards that have the Florida Gator on them.  Now I know that she isn't the only one who likes to rub the Gators in to me.  So I knew a couple of them came up with it.  Anyone who knows me, knows that I love college football, but I bleed Buckeye Scarlet and Gray.  While living in Florida, I did find a little part of my heart that can like the Gators, but only if they aren't playing my Buckeyes.

Anyhow, I'm still crying but laughing a bit at the sentiment of the cards.  Then I find the greeting card.  The front of it presented to me that it was going to be quite interesting.  If ya'll are interested in seeing it, I will take a pic and post it with this blog.  The card made me laugh through the tears.  Then I see what was folded up in the card.  Upon opening it and just reading a couple of lines, I was bawling hysterically.  My mom and son couldn't figure out what was wrong with me.  That's when I handed them this paper that was folded up.

These ladies, 55 of them, 2 of whom I have only met face to face, got together behind my back and arranged for me to have a day at the spa.  Something I have never had and something that I have always dreamed of having.  Needless to say, I couldn't stop myself from crying.  To think that these 55 ladies thought enough of me to pull together to do this for me.  Even as I write this it makes me tear up.

For so many years in my life I felt like no one cared about me, and those who acted like they did, really didn't.  I think I know better now.  I have a few that I know are genuine, but the most prominent are these ladies who have some of the most genuine hearts that I would swear are made of gold and are most definitely worth more than their weight in gold.

When I would watch the video to Martina McBride's "I'm Gonna Love You Through It" I would think of some people in my lives, but these ladies seemed to be the ones who stuck out the most to me.  Even more so now.  It's not even the gift that mattered.  Each and every day when I have a pain that hurts me, days that I look in the mirror and hate what I see, days that everything else in my life is going wrong, they have been there.

For all of those times I am so blessed and couldn't have asked for more.  This iced my cake and showed me how much these ladies care for me.  So for each and every one of you, I thank you from the bottom of my heart, I love each and every one of you.  (Even the really kinky ones who keep my days interesting.  You know who you are.)  Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving me through it.

Pump Me Up Version 2

I ended up having some fluid build up that was concerning me.  So instead of waiting for Dr. Mess to get me in on Monday, she got me into the office on Saturday morning.  That's one hell of a Dr. if you ask me.

The swelling on the right was not nearly as bad as it appeared the night before and she wasn't able to get any more than 20cc of fluid out of it, but still could feel some in there.  She told me just to put the surgical bra back on and hope that it would reabsorb.  If not, we will try and remove some more on Thursday.  She just didn't want to risk hitting my expander and having to start over because of puncturing it trying to get the fluid.

For some reason the swelling on the left was worse, but sure didn't feel like it.  She ended up pulling 60cc of fluid off of that side.  Dr. Mess figured that we probably wouldn't have to worry about fluid after the appointment this week.

While I saw her on Saturday, she did end up giving me my injections.  So I got 120cc more in each side, which means I am now up to a B cup.  I'm not flat chested anymore.  And.....if I feel like putting on one of my bras, I actually look like my boobs look nice, just not as big as normal.  I'm okay with that for now.

For those of you who want to see the new pics, you can find them on the page with all of the other pictures.

This morning was awful though.  I woke up with the most horrendous muscle spasms in my chest.  I couldn't even lift up to try and get my meds.  I started crying which was hard to do with the pain, and then started begging for my meds.  Andy was able to lift me up, get my meds and lay me back down.

I found that laying down with the spasms only made them worse.  So I decided to get up and go hang out with mom outside.  I was feeling much better, and the spasms let up on me.....that was until I stood up to do anything.  :-(

Enough time had passed that I was finally able to take more meds and get a good nap in.  Most of the pain has subsided, but I still am tender.  I just hope that this pain subsides completely by Thursday that way I can get my other 120cc to get me up to a C.

I just want to get to the point where I can go get these terrible expanders out and put my nice new implants in.  That will just mean that this journey will be closer to an end and I can move on to other journeys in my life.

Owwies!

So I am sitting here wrapped up with 2 bandage wraps to try and get the fluid in the "side boob" to go down.  Did I mention that I am wrapped so tight that I am having a heck of a time breathing?  LOL!

Anyhow, just a little note, I've been feeling like mangled dog turds today.  Emotionally and physically.  So because I was feeling as such I called Dr. Jacobs and Dr. Mess to find out what I was supposed to do about the pain of the fluid.  Dr. Jacobs told me to wrap myself up with a couple of Ace Bandages to try and get the fluid to just reabsorb itself.  Dr. Mess finally called me back and is graciously bringing me in tomorrow to drain this crap.

Alleluia!  I will be so thankful when my armpits don't feel like they are being rubbed raw and I am able to breathe again.  Anyhow, eyeballs are getting tired so I'm headed off to bed.

Much love to all of you that are loving me through it.