A Beautiful Day

Today I went to the breast center for the Celebration of Life.  While I was there I signed a quilt that will hang on the wall, and the chair that sits in the lobby.  I did get to spend more time with Miss Vickie too.  That's always a bonus.

So when I signed the quilt and chair, the comment was made asking if I had signed "Cornbread", on the quilt I didn't, but on the chair I went back and did.  The "Cornbread" nickname came from Miss Vickie.  We had a discussion one time about different foods and such, and I shared with her how I like soup beans and cornbread.  Well, after that, she deemed me "Cornbread".  I'll take it.  :-)

Not only did I get to spend time with Miss Vickie, I also spent some time with Miss June, who I'd only met twice.  Miss June is a lot like Miss Vickie with her funny, bubbly and caring personality.  The more people I meet connected with my care team, the more and more thankful I am that I have had them.

I'm actually drawing a blank right now on what else to write.  Probably because I have 2 conferences and a paper to write for school.  If I think of something else later on, I'll be on here to post it.  So for now, here are the pics of me signing the quilt and chair.  Once Miss Vickie gets the pics of her and I together sent to me, I'll post those too.

I wish each of you a beautiful and blessed night.

Such a Good Day

So I went and saw Dr. Mess today.  She said that everything is looking wonderful.  I have great cleavage and the shape is perfect.  She even said that she could tell that there was a difference in where the lipo was done and that once the swelling is down I will be very pleased.  I also am allowed to wear my own pretty bras during the day, but I still have to wear the sports bras at night.  I'm okay with that though.

Right now I am pleased anyhow.  I do know that there is still quite a bit of swelling, but I can tell where I have been sculpted.  While that part has been painful, it was a part that made sure that I looked normal.  I would take the pain of that any day as long as I never have to hear that I have cancer again.

I also stopped over to see Miss Vickie today.  I always enjoy my visits with her.  She's such a character so full of life.  A true blessing full of strength to help get you through it all.  She talked to me about thinking that I would be great to be a support person for those who are also dealing with cancer.  I have had my really bad moments, but I have made it through.  My journey is nearly over, and I am more than happy with that.

There is also an event on Thursday where I get to go to the Breast Center and sign the quilt of the patients there.  I am a survivor, and it feels so good.  I'm going to make sure that I take the time out of my day to go to this event.  I think I'm even going to take the kids so they can see that this is something that is important to me.

Oh, and just for another note, I went and got myself inked on Saturday.  I did my pink ribbon with survivor on it.  While Andy hates it, I love it.  It is a representation of what I have been through.  It has meaning to it.  So for your viewing pleasure, here it is.

Refreshed....Just a Little

Since this is November, the month of thankfulness, I want to start this blog out with the thing I am thankful for today.

I am thankful for Miss Vickie, Dr. Jacobs, Renee, and Dr. Mess.  All of these wonderful ladies have been my cancer care team.  I'm not sure where I would be without them, but I know that I am a healthier and better person because of them.

Now on to the original sentiments of today's blog.

So for the first time in I'm not sure how long, I spent part of the day pampering myself.  I honestly started to forget what it felt like to have me time and to feel pretty again.  Of course the pretty started before I even went to the salon.

I actually put on one of my bras today.  You know, my collection of beautiful Victoria's Secrets bras.  I'm pretty sure that I'll need to go up a bit, but I'm okay with it.  Honestly, looking at how it looked on me, I cried.  I cried like a baby.  For the first time in a long time, I cried tears of joy.

Standing there looking in the mirror at my rebuilt boobs in one of my favorite bras was priceless.  There was no way to really describe all of the emotions and how I truly felt in those moments.  I finally looked at myself through the tears and saw my chest like I used to see it.

While these boobs are implants, they look as much like my own, with the exception of the nipples, which I am not having reconstructed.  I knew this process was going to be hard.  I knew I was going to have to change.  I knew that it wasn't going to be easy all of the time, but I pushed through it because I had to.  What is my reward?  Looking and feeling like a woman again in my own skin.  That is a priceless feeling.

So, what did I do at the salon?  I cut quite a bit off of my hair.  While it may look the same to some, it's not, and I sure can tell the difference.  I absolutely love it.  I also darkened it up a lot with a deep red and added some subtle lighter red highlights.  I tried to keep as much of the length as possible, but did have to part ways with some of it as it was in such bad shape.  Not completely because of not taking care of it, but the anesthesia does some pretty bad things to your hair.

I used to tell my customers that when I was in the hair industry, I just never was sure why since it was just something that I had learned.  Now I know first hand.  As much as I wanted to have the long, long sleek hair, my body wasn't going to allow me to, and I am okay with that.  At this point, anything that makes me feel better is a good thing.  So, with that said, I will leave you with 2 pictures.  1 is my new look and the other is in the pics section since it is the boobs.

I wish you all a beautiful and blessed night.

When Does It Stop?

New pics have been added for those who wish to see.

The pain and all the other crap that goes with it.  I've been doing some Googling.  (Sorry Renee)  Most of the information I have found says that the liposuction pain goes away in a couple of days.  I'm 6 days post op and still feel like I am being ripped in 2 pieces.

The bruising is lightening up, so that's a good thing.  I just wish the inside bruising didn't feel as bad as it does.  The effects of the lipo should be apparent 4-6 weeks from now.  I'm hoping for 4 weeks.  I would really like to go back to wearing clothes that are not yoga pants, even though they are comfy.

The scars on my boobs are healing beautifully.  One of the things that bothers me about them is that they aren't even remotely close to being even.  If you look at the pics you'll see what I am talking about.  I wasn't sure that this would bother me, but it does.  Any tattoo that I choose to put on there is going to have to be modified so that it allows for the symmetrical look.  No matter what it is, I will figure it out.

In the last couple of days I have found myself on Pinterest looking for the perfect tattoo that represents my battle.  I've seen a few that I really like and would be front runners, but would obviously be modified so that they are more of an original piece.  I'm gonna stick that tattoo on my back left shoulder blade.  It'll be able to be covered up, but it will also be able to be seen.  Hopefully I can get that tat inked on me within the next week and hopefully it won't cost me a fortune.

After all of the emotional turmoil that I have been dealing with since the surgery, I have to start letting it go and start doing for me.  The physical pain is tolerable with my meds, but the emotional pain on top of it is not bearable.  I don't really know what has prompted me to share this personal emotional side of me with all of you.  Maybe because I can't continue to let these kinds of things roll in my head.  Maybe it is a part of the healing process.  Maybe it is just information out there for anyone dealing with the same thing.

I just hope that my being honest about the things I am dealing with don't come back to bite me in the ass as they always have.  I want to be able to move forward from all of this.  I want people to see that there is hope even when it seems like there is none.  I want others to know that people are resilient.  Sure all of the painful stuff piled in to one seems like a bit much, but someway, somehow, you will make it through.

My bed is calling my name, so I should try and get some rest and hope that I don't wake up the same way I did today.  If you can only remember one thing, remember that you have the capacity to be a strong person.  Even though I again find myself struggling, I wish all of you a beautiful and blessed day/night.