I know that my MRI results were supposed to make it to Dr. Jacobs today. Either she wasn't able to review them, reviewed them and all is fine, or they found more and don't want to tell me on the phone. Either way, I'm sure they will call me and let me know what I need to know when they get a chance.
The scared part of me thinks that it is bad news and they want to give me a few days to digest the information already given to me so that they can give me more bad news. The side of me that is fighting thinks that I've scared this cancer in my many cussing outs of it. (*insert sarcasm*) Yeah, right! I'm sure that's it.
Andy and I had some time away from the house today. We did some talking about how I'm feeling, where my mind is with all of this and what I want to do. In these conversations, it appears that he has finally started processing some of the information. I think the hardest part for him is that his analytical mind can't wrap around this. He can't analyze the shit out of it and come up with a solution on his own. Even if he could come up with the solution, he isn't the one that would be implementing the solution.
I love my husband dearly, but sometimes he can be such a control freak. This is one of those things that he can't control. I think that is something else that he has realized. So, I can only imagine the fear that he has knowing that he has to give the control to Dr. Jacobs and the rest of my care staff to take care of this. I remember the days where I had to have control of everything, and then how hard it was to give some of that up. It really is a hard thing to deal with. Of course when you add something like my cancer to the mix, that just makes it more difficult.
I've been told that my best friend wants to come out sometime in June. I'm sure that there are a plethora of other people who would like to come out too. Well, after talking to momma last night, I have made a decision. There are 4 people right off of the top of my head that I would like to be here all at the same time.
My best friend Bru. I've known him everyday of my life. I pretty much say that he's my brother from another mother and father. Rightfully so, that's what he is. Bru is almost always the first to crack a joke. He's the jelly to my peanut butter. Again, that's another one of those things that you would have to know us to understand that.
My brother-in-law Danny. Despite only being a few years younger than me, he can keep me on my toes and give me 10 kinds of shit over the smallest things. Now yes, that may sound negative, but you would have to know Danny to understand. He seems to bring out the best in Andy as well. Danny with Andy is a one of a kind thing. You'd have to see it to believe it.
My other best friend and rock Josh. I've only known Josh for a year now, but when I met him, it felt like I had known him my entire life. When things have been tough for me, he's never had a problem giving me one of the biggest hugs in the world that would make me feel like everything truly would be okay, or just answering his phone when I've just had enough and need to talk. Of course he is also the person who could make me laugh through any emotion I had.
My very large little brother David. I had just met David on the day he graduated high school. I knew about him all of my life, but never did meet him until that day. While there have been large gaps in the times that we have talked, he has always made sure that no matter what, he is there. In some of the conversations that I have had with him, you would honestly think that he was older and wiser than me.
Now what would you get if you put these 4 guys in my house at the same time? I would need a paddle and a pair of hip waders to get through all of the bullshit. There would be so many fisheyed stories bein told that I would be hurting from laughing. What I wonder is, if they all arrived at the same exact time, who would spew the first bit of bullshit? Honestly, I'm not really sure, but I know that it would be fun.
So, for those of you I have listed, what say you? Ya'll think that it can be arranged for all of ya'll to be here at the same time? I don't have that many beds in my house, but it'll be summertime and we can set up a tent city in the backyard. Now, what I won't promise is that Sammy Dog won't pee on your tent. LOL!
Anyone else who thinks that this would be a hootin and hollarin fun time, feel free to join in if I can get it goin. With that said, I think I'm gonna do some more research, watch my DVR'd soap opera and then hit the hay. Have a good nite ya'll.
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